


a king's promise / a man's burden

by b0kuto



Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional, F/M, Forbidden Love, Sad Ending, i rly cried when writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:06:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0kuto/pseuds/b0kuto
Summary: —pt 4 of the series love, xx.❝ i and my heart put ourselves in your hands ❞— king henry viii, from a letter to anne boleyn written c. oct 1528the King, unwavering and impartial.the General, devoted and fearless.but on the night before a wedding, a letter stripped them down to mere human beings.
Relationships: Ushijima Wakatoshi & Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753975
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	a king's promise / a man's burden

“General, I am here to deliver a letter from His Majesty.” The suffocating silence of the night was broken by a knock on your door. “Yes, you may enter.” You exchanged a sharp salute with the guard, receiving the King’s note with a heavy heart. 

As soon as you heard the door close behind you, you collapsed into your armchair. The Supreme General, the daughter of the legendary warrior, the most trusted royal subject to His Majesty, suddenly seemed frail and vulnerable. You let out a bitter laugh when you saw your own hands shaking in a nervous tremor. “I’m a coward huh…how can these shaky hands be fitting for you to hold.” Lifting up the wax seal on the envelope, you began reading the letter, carving each word onto your bleeding heart. 

❝ — _To My General_ ,

I apologize for sending in this letter at such an hour. I did not know how to lay down the first word. 

Tomorrow will witness another generation of peace being protected by political marriage. As rehearsed, I will walk down the aisle with my bride, and you will walk behind me, 6 feet away, guarding me as usual. Only this time, I spent days praying that you could walk beside me instead. For a King to beg, to plead, is pathetic. But is it so wrong for a desperate man to ask for a lifetime with his only love in this world? 

I am clumsy with words, and you know it best. Remember those days when you would help me climb down my balcony so we could skip literature class for an afternoon by the lake? You were fortunate to be the only heir to inherit the General’s title, otherwise, my mother would have you sent to the castle cookhouse instead. And I was fortunate to grow up with you, my accomplice, my best friend, and my soul mate. What a ridiculous thing for someone like me to believe in. Kings can never believe in soul mates; kings can only believe in tacts and strategies, victory and defeat, life, and death. 

Maybe the gods above were jealous of the bond we shared. Even I am jealous of what I had. Riding to the forest to chase the fastest deer in spring; jumping off the bridge to cool off on a hot summer day; sneaking into the Royal Garden to steal the freshest harvests in autumn; having snowball fights and striking down the head butler accidentally during snowfalls in winter. I thought I needed to be like my father, unfeeling, and impartial. How could I do that when you had shown me all the colors and flavors of life. In you, I **found** home, a harbor where my tired heart can always return to.

For all my life, we were always in each other's company, from the playings in our childhood to the battles we fought as soldiers. You are my strongest opponent and my biggest weakness. When you became the General, you swore on your life to protect me and this kingdom. How I wish I could make the same oath to you too, but this useless man is going to promise his life to another person instead. I am sorry, General. I have to choose my role as a King, over my role as a man. Just like how you have chosen your role as a General, over your role as my loved one. 

Before I bound myself to another lady tomorrow, I, Ushijima Wakatoshi, would like to say my vow to you, as a man who has loved you all these years. I promise to seal my heart away so to protect you from any speculation or rumor; I promise to put your hands in a man who can give you what I cannot give, a man who will love you as fiercely as I always will; I promise, that **I and my heart put ourselves in your hand**. You will always _reign_ over me, for that I promise. 

And I will spend the rest of my life, praying as a common man, to marry you in our next lifetime. No matter where you go, I will run to you. 

Love,

Toshi. — ❞

Your knees buckled to the floor. The memory of him plunged its hand into your chest, tearing your heart out. The despair and agony running through your veins were so raw, that your primal instinct was to scream out your pains. But your screams and wails were muffled into heart-wrenching groans as you pressed your face into your hands, afraid to draw any attention to your room. 

For hours, you were on your knees, your face pressed into the carpet, hands still clutching onto your mouth. When the first light of dawn hit your room, your heart had finally seemed to stop beating, as an ice-cold numbness paralyzed your pains. You had a few more hours before the wedding ceremony begins, so you crawled to your feet, prepared a bath for yourself, and changed into your ceremonial armor. 

Before you left the room, you paused at the fireplace, and tossed the letter into the crackling flame. Swallowing down your tears, you held your head up high, and strode out of the room, towards your King. 

The General’s room was filled with sorrow, and her lingering whisper haunted the room.

“… _and I promise you I will run to you first in our next lifetime_.”

**Author's Note:**

> it's already the 4th letter in this series, and this one rly hurt me personally.
> 
> why is it always toshi that gets me in my feelings ;;;; 
> 
> i just love this blunt guy who may seem tactless b’cos of his upbringing but ultimately he’s still a child deep down on the inside but the weight on his shoulders taught him not to feel like one
> 
> if this brought u angst & pain leave some kudos & comments and let's cry together (´；д；`)


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